Falling all over ourselves

(photo courtesy of Heather Ladoski)

It's not everyday we get to learn deeply about who we are.  Usually the greatest lessons come from how we handle the frustrations and challenging stumbling blocks we call obstacles in our lives.  Sometimes we crumple in and fold, broken by the pressure of the expectations and vision of who we thought we were, and other times we rise up to meet the unexpected with two fists and a mouth guard.

We feel the lowest when we let down those closest to us.  Not only are we failing ourselves but we amplify our own failure by having someone we love or care about reflect not only their disappointment of us, but our own shortcomings as well.  The ol' double whammy.  Obviously this can be multiplied depending on the number of individuals we let down.  At its extreme polarity, this low can make people suicidal.  Fortunately for most of us we just want to crawl under a rock somewhere to hide.  In today's society that might look like disappearing into cyberspace, television, drugs and alcohol or other "NUMB-ers".

It's hard to stay with that pain, instead of running to dull it. Just feeling into it, and seeing what it does in our body is always good medicine.  The good news is, it will pass, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.  But it will pass.  In the end, we are all the same.  We all experience emotions the same way, but react differently.

I have let a helluva lot of people down in my life, and chances are that isn't going to end today.  Pushing through our own bullshit is dirty work, and involves deep self analysis, introspection and ultimately self forgiveness.  We don't come into this time and space continuum with a manual, but we can ask for the right information to come along and help us.  Most of the time it does, and more and more often in the form of a you tube video.  We do need to know that we are programmed, how we react has a lot to do with what we have seen, and learned.  The truth of who we really are, versus how we want to see ourselves, is a great truth, but it can be a wounding truth.

I am living in this realm this week.  Who I want to be/think I am is out of alignment and integrity with who I really am.  I am spending extra time on my yoga mat, in meditation and on my bike to reconnect to breath, spirit and nature.  The battle is never won, but this too, shall pass.