Conspirituality: Transmuting Darkness into Lightness

a wake up call?

When 9-11 happened it really sent me for a tailspin. Me and pretty much the entire planet.

I was 23 years old, I was full of post adolescent angst and felt uneasy, and sick. In the core of my being it all felt wrong, so wrong. So I entered the wormhole called conspiracy theory. I delved into the lands where the electron is king, and followed link after link for hours upon hours.

I read about Afghan pipeline deals, the Illuminati, the military industrial complex. I watched videos, went on web forums, and was completely immersed. At that point in life I was just recently unemployed and on E.I. and had a lot of time on my hands, waaaaay too much time.

Did I find what I was looking for? Was the attack on 9-11 definitively a government cover up, a pre text to an illegal war? I still don't know, and neither does anyone out there. I have an opinion, but that is all it is – a thought shape we call an idea. If it was a government cover up, and unless George W. Bush blows the biggest whistle in history, no one will ever know for sure. Anyone who says they do – is living in ego's folly. We can only make assumptions.

WE DON'T KNOW. We may never know. I do know that people do bad things, some people do some very, very bad things. I don't need to give any examples – most people know the Hitlers and Genghis Khans of history well enough to know that people can do hateful, destructive things. Heck I am guilty of some acts of evil myself – I put a garden hose in a mail slot, and turned it on, during a drunken meandering walk home once in my teens. What we call evil can inhabit any and all of us.

Someone very close to me told me the story of a poisoned arrow. If we were to be shot with an arrow laced with poison, how important is it to worry about where the poison came from? Priority number one is survival, self preservation. I need to get that arrow out, and rid myself of this poison. Does it matter who shot it? The damage is done, vengeance and blame are reactions to the poisoned arrow, but they will not take away the wound. Maybe I was shot with a poisoned arrow because I am a soldier in an occupying force in enemy territory. Or maybe I killed someone's family. What ever the cause I need to focus on a solution, there is time for pointing fingers later.

9-11 was a poisoned arrow to me. I spent a lot of time trying to “figure it out”. Twelve years later I still have no answers. I've never met anyone who was part of the Illuminati, or any other shadow organization, and I have yet to see anything definitive to prove what EXACTLY happened. Now that's not to say I don't think we are lied to by the media, our governments or even our parents. Hello - Santa, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy? But what could I do if any of it were true?

I became the guy at parties that prattled endlessly about the government, cover-ups, human rights abuses and so forth. I was the conspiracy nut. Did any of my research amount to anything? No, the world just kept on changing and chugging along.

Nobody wanted to hear me blather on like a nut. I just ended up feeling shitty. I felt defeated by the world – powerless to do anything. Then some new information started showing up, and I became more interested in spirituality, and doing what I could – even if it was small. The world was full of poisonous arrows, but the world wasn't my responsibility. I WAS my responsibility.

If the maxim “what you focus on expands” is true, then wasn't my energy being poured into this conspiracy stuff just growing this darkness? I realized that my energy was being wasted, syphoned off into an abyss of dark negativity that was just me sending my life force into nothing productive. If you want to change the world – start at ground zero, start with YOU.

You don't like seeing animals die, stop eating dead animals, or cut it down as best you can.

Pollution pissing you off, stop driving gas powered vehicles and buying things that contribute to the problem.

Tired of endless conflict and war? Stop watching violence, supporting governments that involve themselves in conflicts. Learn to control your own personal anger.

Sick of greed and the financial inequality on the planet? Stop being greedy. Use less, buy less, reuse, share and trade. Grow some food. 

Evolve.

Carry on my wayward sons (and daughters)

 

Little increments add up. Don't put pressure on yourself to change the world, change a habit here, an expenditure there. I promise you if you just change that in your realm of control it will change your own world, and believe it or not that is the most important world of them all.

What ever it may be that you want to rebel against, look at your role first. It's a huge wake up call. Don't waste time pointing at people calling them “sheeple”- seek to help. Be an example, demonstrate your life as a solution. Shut the fuck up, and do something. Create a new way, and support others that already have. Learn to think for yourself. Try to be better for you and your family.

I've found as hokey and hippie as this sounds, that the ability to share and give love is the strongest resource we have for change. Again, ground zero is most important – love thyself. Change the relationship and dialogue with who you are. Remember, we can change.

Most importantly – explore your relationship with a higher power. Why the heck are you here? Ask questions. Try to live in a sense of wonder. Love who you are, your imperfections, your awkward ways, your gifts. Find a purpose, live it. My life Journey has been wonderful, and I have been blessed with so many vibrant and lovely experiences and people in my world. But I had to confront some dark aspects of myself (and still continue to do so).

I will say that my foray into the dark world of conspiracy theory/alternative news did lead me towards an existence based more on love, and spirituality – my only regret is that I spent almost a decade trying to figure out the shifting natures of shadows that never have any solid form. Now when I am at parties, I talk about life, solutions, adventures, and love. It's funny, but people seem to be a heck of a lot more receptive.

I'd love to hear some comments – so don't be afraid to get involved in the dialogue. This blog doesn't exist without your attention.

Thanks for sharing your time with me today, lots of love,

Robin